Starwood: Local Group Blending Sci-Fi & Music

Everyone knows that I love local music. I also happen to like Sci-Fi. Well, I found a local band that mixes those two fantastic things together! AND they add an element of theatrics to each performance. They’re called S.T.A.R.W.O.O.D., and they’re pretty much one of the coolest things to hit the Philadelphia music scene in a long time.

Not only is the music complexly structured and dramatically theatrical; the theme that accompanies this band is out of this world (quite literally in fact). Sent back in time from the year 2776 AD, moments before the human race invades and destroys his home planet, S.T.A.R.W.O.O.D. prototype G7ANGEL591S: “Gabriel Starwood” has come to planet Earth. Landing before the dawn of man, Gabriel Starwood is entrusted with the mission to alter the course of Earth’s history in order to prevent his planets destruction.

I had a chance to sit down directly with Gabriel Starwood in order to understand his mission further. He (errr it?) was happy to oblige.

What does STARWOOD mean?

S.T.A.R.W.O.O.D. is the acronym for my make and model. I am a Sociopathic Time Altering Robot Warrior Of Organic Design from the planet Vitrus. I am capable of entering and controlling the human body by transferring my CPU’s Neural Network to the brain of my choice through my self-replicating nanite-infused sperm, ultimately providing total control over any and all who come in contact with my ejaculate.

The “Main Host Body,” currently an unemployed 30yr old West Philadelphian entertainer, will be inhabited by the S.T.A.R.W.O.O.D. Neural CPU until the body is found lacking in usefulness, at which time I will find yet another “Main Host Body” for my yocto-sized processor to inhabit.

What is the story behind your music, and how did it come to be?

Moments before your race invaded and destroyed my home planet in 2776 A.D., my shuttle was launched and sent back in time to an era predating human evolution, with the hope that I would succeed in altering the current spacetime continuum to fit a parallel existence more conducive to the survival of planet Vitrus.

Since the dawn of man, my Neural CPU has inhabited and guided a wide array of your most famous historical figures, from Jesus Christ and Joan of Arc to Angela Davis and The Marquis De Sade, to impact your civilizations as I see fit, in turn, guiding your race away from its natural inclination to conquer and devour endlessly.

Tell us about that disco ball helmet you wear.

The Starwood Mind Sheild (SMS) acts as a data storage device as well as the only means of communication between the Starwood team and The Intergalactic Celestial United (ICU), the cosmic governing body in charge of the Starwood mission. The SMS allows my CPU to upload data from my current avatar and transmit that data to the ICU for further analysis. In layman’s terms, it is the equivalent of an external hardrive with a multi-dimensional intergalactic wireless adapter.

Why do you think it’s important to have a schtick to go with your music? Some bands like to shy away from going full Science Fiction on stage.

Humankind’s pathetic attempts to accurately portray the world beyond its own, be them rooted in Science or Fiction, are a schtick-laden intergalactic laughing stock, the Spinal Tap of the universe if you will. Thus, I find it painfully ironic to have a human assume our mission is nothing more than a schtick. There is no shtick in the STARWOOD mission. Every bit of our espoused existence is real.

But I wouldn’t expect a planet that widely believes it was created in 7 days to have any concept of what is real and what is fake. That said, when compared to a time travelling alien cyborg constructed over the course of centuries by the greatest engineers in existence, it does seem rather plausible that your supremely flawed kind are the result of a rushed production.

When people walk away from a STARWOOD experience, what do you want them to be thinking?

I hope they recognize the irrefutable fact that the human race is… going to ultimately destroy any planet unfortunate enough to be infected with them. Following that realization, I can only hope that they will quarantine themselves by ending their pursuit of space travel technology, as I would prefer not to initiate my self-destruct sequence, thereby eradicating life on earth in the name of curing the cosmos of the virus we call humanity.

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For more information on all things STARWOOD be sure to check out their Facebook and Reverbnation Page. There, you can listen to their music and check out that sweet Starwood Mind Sheild Gabriel was talking about.