Doogie Horner & Everything Explained Through Flowcharts

Guest Post by Sarah Solomon

Doogie Horner is not just everyone’s favorite comedian from America’s Got Talent. He is a talented author, graphic designer, and proud Philadelphia native. His most recent work, Everything Explained Through Flowcharts, is a hilarious book that gives step-by-step instructions on everything from “explaining the internet to a 19th century British street urchin”, to the ever elusive “things to say during sex.”

Read on to learn more about the man behind the myth they call Doogie.

Would you prefer to label yourself more as a writer, graphic designer, or stand-up comedian?

A: Sarah, I cannot be defined by labels!! Just kidding. I enjoy standup, design, and writing equally, pretty much. I started making flowcharts because they combine all my interests. Standup is probably the most fun; graphic design is the least stressful. Writing is the hardest. You have to sit alone under the attic eave and watch rain run down the window pane, plumbing the depths of your soul. Just kidding again! But seriously, writing’s hard. Just this sentence took me like, a day.

What advice would you give on designing your own work?

A: Ooh, I don’t know. Don’t be too precious, I’d say. “Murder your darlings,” I think Stephen King said that, although he might have been quoting someone else. Love is blind, you know, so if you love your work too much, it’s hard to view it objectively. You can always write another sentence, you can always design another cover.

You should have won AGT. Have random people recognized you on the street because of it?

A: First of all, I like that strong declarative statement you began your question with. I was happy just to be on the show and not look like an idiot. I preserved the integrity of my comedy while still appealing to a mass audience, something I didn’t think I was capable of. Personally I wish Michael Grasso, the magician, had won. He was incredible in person, he’s really good at card manipulation.

Yes, I get recognized pretty often, although less and less as my fame is covered by the sands of time. “My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

What’s your favorite part about living in Philadelphia?

A: Oh, I don’t know. I like it all. The city is big enough that there’s always something to do, but not so big you feel overwhelmed. There are some creative people, but not too many people desperately clawing to reach the top of some imagined ladder of success. There’s also Old City Coffee, La Colombe and One Shot. Some good bars and such. Fergie’s, Connie’s Ric Rac, Morning Glory.

Any new projects in the near future?

A: Yes, I’m taking the Ministry of Secret Jokes back to Fergie’s Pub, where we started the show. It’s been in different locations for a while, but now it’s back home, and we are done fucking around. The dogs are going to take their sweaters off, if you know what I mean.

I’m working on this one joke that will probably change the world—for good or bad, I don’t know yet—but I can’t talk about it too much because its development is government funded. You’ll probably hear it in the next Wikileaks.

You can find more info about the Ministry of Secret Jokes at www.ministryofsecretjokes.com, or visit Doogie at www.doogiehorner.com.