Quick! Someone call John Williams and cue the Jurassic Park theme. Everyone here at Geek has their own nerdy niche, but none of us are experts on crocodiles. Until now, that is. I’m filling your crazy croc-loving void with some new knowledge. Ready?

Today’s crocs are wickedly smart, stealthy, super-carnivorous reptiles. We’re going to hit rewind to the Cretaceous period for some surprises that will give you goosebumps (and make want to smack some archaeologists). National Geographic ran an awesome article about new ancient crocs they discovered — aka dino-era crocs– and it’s seriously the stuff that geeks dream of: “The diverse menagerie of reptiles ruled Gondwana—a landmass that later broke up into the southern continents—about a hundred million years ago, during the Cretaceous period” (National Geographic).

You may have heard already heard about “SuperCroc“, but among the three new skeletons discovered, some crazy-ass nicknames were handed out to the finds: “BoarCroc“, “RatCroc”, and — my personal favorite– the super creepy “PancakeCroc”.  To quote the most studious of academic sources, I will quote The Dude from The Big Lebowski: WHAT THE HELL, MAN? I get that it’s flat and all, but I’m trying to be sciencey and now all I can think about is French toast.

Note: there hasn’t been a find called ScrappleCroc (or it’s cooler cousin, BaconCroc) but hey! we haven’t made it to Ur (or any other prehistoric land masses yet)… so I’ll let you all know if these intelligent scientists find any more awesome creatures and give them more stupid names…. like MooseCroc! HeadlessHorsemanCroc! CrocsWearingCrocs, JayLenoCroc or the ever-so-elusive TeenageMutantNinjaTurtleCroc. WTF, archaeologists! I feel like you just re-named the T-Rex …Theodore or something.

Read more about these crazy pre-historic dudes after the jump.

Seriously– does this dude look like he wants to just hang out?

So yeah, I’m sure you picked up what I was putting down as my feelings for giving nicknames like “pancake croc” to some of the most bad ass fossils ever found… In fact, those names make me think of the lizard people Hunter S. Thompson used to see when he was downing half of a pharmacy, trippin’ balls and writing books.

On a more serious note, they found new skeletons of  previously discovered “DuckCroc” and “DogCroc”.

If you liked learning about these old school scaly ninjas, be sure to read the rest of the articles I read here, here and here. See you in awhile, croco– ahh.. whatever, you get it.